October 16, 2021

My Libido Is On The Floor And I’m Very Worried

5 min read

You already have here a new installment of the sex office that brings you 20 minutes each week. To ask your question write to [email protected]

These are the answers this week that our expert, Santiago Frago, has given . You can check their website here.

QUESTION I have not had sex for a year and when I had the last ones I had no problem; But for a while now when I masturbate, I have expelled very little semen. What can be the cause?

EXPERT ANSWER It is difficult to answer your question accurately without knowing details of your age and overall health . The hypospermia you refer to is related to the two organs involved in ejaculation: the prostate and the seminal vesicles.

There are several causes that can explain your perception, which should be verified with a semen analysis:

1. Age: from 50 years of age the volume of semen decreases associated with the decrease in male hormone (testosterone).

2. Pelvic surgeries that have damaged pelvic floor muscles,

3. The intake of certain drugs can lead to a low ejaculate level.

4. Very frequent ejaculations make it normal to ejaculate in less quantity.

5. The consumption of tobacco and alcohol also negatively affect.

6. Overweight , obesity …

If you do not find yourself in any of these situations, I advise you to go to a urology professional who will allow you to define exactly the cause of your hypospermia.

No intercourse due to menopause in women
QUESTION We are a 54-year-old couple; It has been more than a year since we had sex with my partner because when we did it, it hurt a lot and sting her, it “burns” her inside and even using both a lot of lubricant.

He went to his gynecologist and told him that it was because of the menopause and that there was no remedy. Is there any treatment or a gynecologist that can help us? I wear it badly and it creates discomfort and irritability.

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT Menopause is an evolutionary transition in women that has very different repercussions on the erotic and sexual health of women.

At this stage of life, habitual alterations occur due to the logical estrogenic hormonal decline linked to the end of reproductive life. Probably, this hormonal decline would also affect your vaginal health and could cause some discomfort in your erotic intercourse and a logical affectation of your desire.

The priority is to unlink the erotic encounter to pain, which means that it is important that you resume your erotic life, excluding for the moment the game of vaginal penetration or embracement and explore other forms of eroticism.

Once you have re-associated the erotic encounter with pleasure , the fears will be diluted and your desire will go hand in hand again.

From there you will enter another stage in which you should seek professional advice so that you can gradually normalize your erotic life without fear of possible pain.

At present there is a great arsenal of therapeutic tools that will undoubtedly allow to solve these coital discomfort.

She wants more anal and not vaginal penetration
QUESTION The frequency of our intercourse is not very high and I do not worry too much, but my wife asks me more and more, and especially anal penetration, rejecting the vaginal one.

I can’t understand it, because I know there are no sensory endings in the anus and it can’t feel pleasure, I understand. I can not explain. And I, although I do not reject them, I prefer vaginal, it is more pleasant for me. What can I do? How to return to a situation of “normality”?

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT Erotic tastes and desires move in the key of diversity and also change over the years and the dynamic and changing evolution of the relationship.

It is interesting to open up to versatility when it comes to erotic games, but it is no less true that such versatility is conditioned to your wishes.

The anal area is surrounded by strong pelvic muscles and contains sphincters and highly vascularized glands with fine nerve endings.

Anal penetration, as an erotic game in the couple, does require certain guidelines subordinate to the peculiar anatomical structure of the anal area.

The anal area does not have its own lubrication system, therefore, once mutual desire has been agreed, it is convenient to take into account certain recommendations:

1. Healthy dietary habits (Mediterranean diet) that facilitate intestinal motility the days before the erotic encounter.

2. Proper genital hygiene before and after play.

3. Condom if applicable, which we will discard if we later include vaginal penetration.

4. Essential hydration of the anal area.

5. A previous pelvic floor training will allow you to know how to relax and contract the perianal muscles and thus make things easier.

6. Have cleansing wipes on hand.

7. If pain or discomfort appears, abandon the erotic game.

Add, in relation to your disparity of tastes and desires, that a good conversation in relation to your erotic life will lead you to the desired consensus.

Lack of desire with 32 years
QUESTION I am writing to you because my libido is on the ground, not even autoeroticism works for me. I am 32 years old and I am very worried, because before I had a full sex life, with the boyfriend I had for four years and then, when we left him, it was also a full sex life in the encounters I had. How do you recover the desire? I need it.

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT It is difficult to give a simple answer to your question without knowing your personal data regarding:comprehensive state of health, taking or not taking drugs, lifestyle, idea of ​​love and relationship dynamics.

If we rule out that your desire is affected by a hormonal disturbance or by the side effect of a drug, it would be advisable to evaluate, and where appropriate avoid, the so-called “mortgage game”.

This game basically consists of the impossibility of allowing yourself, even temporarily, ” not having desire “. That is to say, a series of mortgages are launched that cancel the possibility that the desire is manifested. I list some:

1. “You wish to have desire.” And of course, desire and obligation are incompatible. You cannot want to have desire.

2. Social pressure that forces people your age to “have to have desire”, especially when you have a partner and are in good health.

3. “Being currently uncomfortable with your body.” This drop in body self-esteem can affect your desire.

4. Existential conflicts and / or lifestyle incompatible with allowing your desire to emerge.

And finally add an important detail: the human sexual response that responds to a pattern , more or less stable, can undergo some modification over time. Usually a person feels desire and this prompts him to erotic play with his partner or with himself, but at certain times in life a person needs ” prior excitement ” to enliven and ignite desire.

If your absence of desire causes you discomfort and it is maintained over time, I suggest you go to a sexology professional to assess your difficulty and design an appropriate treatment framework .

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